Last night I couldnt sleep....I kept waking up feeling uneasy and I was feeling like I had already gotten enough sleep. HOwever, I managed to fall back asleep a few times. Then today I woke up got ready for the day and was getting ready to head up north to do a few things with my sister..... Feeling uneasy again, I cancelled on her.... Nick told me that on his way home from work this morning he had a strange feeling and that he didnt want me to drive up north because he was feeling like I shouldnt drive up. Our family has been kind of mellow and both Nick and I have been feeling weird and burdened. Nothing has felt as though there's a warning or anything bad, its just felt like something is stopping us from gettin anything done today....just seems weird. It almost feels like nothing is stopping us from doing anything..you know like lost keys, a car that wont start, a flat tire, a sick baby....its more just of a feeling thats making us stop in our tracks. The feeling is making us feel lazy, tired and kinda grumpy.
This weekend is full of lots of fun family Christmas parties and im really excited to ring in the christmas spirit---I just hope this feeling goes away cause I dont like it.
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Who freaked out AFTER they got married?? I DID!! What am I talking about--I freaked out before and after, I was nuts! AFter I got married I remember looking at Nick and then running to the bathroom and looking at myself in the mirror and thinking to myself, "ooooh shi....." I was that wife that had major wacky weird moments with the fact that I was married. Its a huge step right?? Nick didnt necessarily do anything at all to make me wig out, It was just me---I wouldnt be me if I didnt freak out---even still to this day, right?
Every day my husband reminds me of how much he loves me. I never in a million years have to worry about him loosing interest in me. I remember being worried before we got married that he would eventually fall out of love with me.....boy was I wrong. Every day--let me repeat, EVERY SINGLE DAY Nick vocally expresses that he is more in love with me than the day we even met. I specifically remember Nick telling me before we got married that I would never go a single day with out hearing from him that he loves me---and I can honestly say he has never skipped a beat-NEVER, EVER EVER!
Something about Nick has been intriguing to me over the last few months. He's such a hard worker, he's extreemly good at pressing forward, he doesnt stop, if we need something and we cant get it--he'll make it so we can have whatever we need, he is very affectionate, he's darn right hillarious and...well just like any husband--he also knows how to get on my nerves! When my bad day gets worse, he has a way of cheering me up. When my frown is down he turns it right side up. When my nerves are on the verge he somehow gets me to laugh....and when my eyes are droopy he lets me get some shut eye.
Nick and I have been through some amazing, horrible and exhausting times in our marriage...the whole 4 years (almost 5!) I think back from where we first lived, all the places we've been, all the places we've hoped to go, all the thing we've done, all the things we've failed to do....ect ect.... I can honestly say that above all the blues, we have had bright sunny days and MANY smiles to share! This year has been an incredible year for us. With as hard as things have been, so many ducks are falling into place for us and we feel so blessed to have each other and our babies! The Lord has been mindful of us and he has paved so many ways for us. Just lately we have seen some pretty miraculous things happen to us and our little family and sometimes we turn our heads in awe wondering how we got so lucky...and then we realize how mindful our Father in Heaven really is of us.
I have had the conversation of Marriage to a close friend of mine who is on the verge of getting engaged. She is scared, she worries and she has a lot of doubts. Satan seeks to destroy familes, especially eternal ones. I remember feeling the same way my friend does, I was HORRIFIED to make the commitment.... I wasnt horrified of Nick, but I was horrified of the idea of being married. But 4-5 years later I can truely say that I am VERY happy. Marriage is a lot of work. Its 24-7 and its constant. Marriage is hell, its wonderful, its heartbreaking, its amazing, its uplifting, its discouraging, its fun, its boaring, its tired, its sleepy, its hipper, its funny, its tearful, its constant prayerful, and like my Stake president, Pres Jensen told me when I was getting married, "Marriage is Long suffering." Again, Satan seeks to destroy happiness and we have found that Living a Gospel centered marriage is the key.
I LOVE being married to my best friend Nick. I love the married life. I know that daily it takes practice to become the wife that I dream to be for him, but I am trying to be as great of a wife as he is a husband to me already. He truely is my better half and he makes up for all my weak points. He is an extreemly talented and strong man and I feel very protected and safe with him by my side. I am grateful for his hard work...I can honestly say that he DOES NOT have a day off from work weather its with the prison or the graphic design firm....plus he has school....he is always working to be his best self and to better the well-being of our family. When he is home he is 100% father and husband. He dedicates the last of his sweat and energy to be with his family until his eyes just cannot stay open any longer. Im amazed that he can pull off a good moood even off of 4 hours of sleep...that seriously takes talent!
I dont write this to be a scrap book blogger. Trust me, we have had some seriously hard hard hard tearful times. This is the side of peoples marriages that are usually private and no one shares the tough stuff--and I think that is JUST FINE. The only reason I share just a glimps of my heart is because I know for a fact 100% that we are so incredibly happy BECAUSE OF OUR HARD TIMES AND TRIALS-big and small.
I feel so lucky to have been in the right place at the right time back in 2004 when I fell into the path of that 21 year old dark haired boy. He had earings in his ears and a tongue ring in his mouth but something about him told me to not loose sight of that smile. When in fact I did loose sight of him, he drove away and I didnt even get his number--I was devestated. About 15 mins later I got a random text from that "mysterious boy" and I knew my destiny was at my finger tips as I text him my race since he was so curious to know. (and I think I lied and told him I was Asian with some Persusian)......Just about 7 months later, He was about 40 mins late to the Timponogas temple the morning we were getting married because of a snow storm. As he ran into the temple everyone asked him if he was getting cold feet and ye yelled out, "NO WAY-NEVER!" So see, I couldnt get rid of him even if I tried (wink). From there the rest is history--as our 5 Year anniversary soon approaches I can honestly say that I do not regret a single ounce of my decision to marry him in the temple. It has been the best decision I have ever made. I love Nick with all my heart and every ounce of me involves him. I LOVE our children. We had our first baby sooner than we were expecting but Im grateful for that because I could not live with out the priveledge of being a mother. I love my babies and it is a compliment to me to hear over and over again that my babes look like their father. He is a wonderful father and he has taught our kids, especially McCoy the importance of LOVE AND AFFECTION. My family is my greatest accomplishment and Im proud to be the wife and mother to my greatest assets.
I love Nick and Im very proud of him and his strides. He has just been such an amazing individual always but especially as of lately. I have had this on my mind a lot and just thought i'd share because it is no secret that I am still head over heels in love with him and I am proud of him and all he does for me and our family.
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Over the last few days we've gotten so much snow! On Nicks first day off he made it a priority to show McCoy how to have some freezing cold fun! Those two had way too much fun outside together while Lavi and I just watched from inside through the window. Honestly, Neither NIck or I are a fan of the cold let alone the SNOW.... uggh. But like everything else, when you have kids, you sort of have to put all your hates aside---even Nick ended up having a lot of fun out there! We took a lot of pictures, but here are just a few of our favorites!
Honestly, that was one of the FUNNEST days we've had all together in a long time. Our daddy is always working busy busy and he's gone a lot--so this play time was fun and overdue! After the boys came in and got all warm, We ended our night with delivered Chinese food to fill our hungry bellies and then off to our warm beds we rested for the rest of the night! It was sooo fun!
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